No matter who you are, everyone has gone through a point in their life where they felt unaccepted, unworthy, unloved and maybe even depressed. I can say from personal experience that these feelings are no walk in the park and have occurred in my life on many occasions. Some of the things I did to cope with these feelings were harmful to myself both mentally and physically. At one point I even hated myself and I believed that the only option I had left to feel better about myself was to be alone. I used drugs, outward appearances and other people's opinions to justify the kind of person I was. That was my outlet. Other people's outlets could include having relationships. Whatever your poison, I think we can all agree that what each of us seek and want out of life is a true, accepting love that never changes.
Who knew that the love could be Jesus? Coming from my background, I had always heard of Him and heard about what He did to save humanity, but that was it. After that point I didn't really have a personal understanding about who Jesus is and the love that He has for the world. Well, everyday since changing my life for Him, I've gradually realized the depth of His love and just how real it is that He chose to take extreme measures just to show people like me that He was serious. I'm sure you've all heard this verse, but I wanted to post it anyway:
For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whosoever believes in Him will
not die, but have everlasting life. -John 3:16
What is love? It's something so complex to explain that I can't form my own opinion about it. All I know is what it feels like...and this verse helps me to understand God's love. I mean, in what other way can someone show that they love you than by dying for you? Or giving up one of their own children to die in your place? Who do you know that would do that? Some of us won't even drop a few dimes in a tip jar at a coffee shop. So just imagine the level of selflessness Jesus had to have in order to carry out what God wanted! But before I came to this conclusion, the most difficult thing that I've had to deal with thus far, was believing that He truly loves me. As I said before, I've dealt with depression, replayed every hurtful comment made towards me in my mind, turned to drugs and even experimented with eating disorders. I had become so wrapped up in the false, negative definitions of myself that that's what I became comfortable with. Therefore, hearing that someone loved me even with all of my problems was difficult to understand. It's strange how people like myself spend a lot of time searching for love and acceptance and then when we get it, it scares us. And that's exactly how I felt. I didn't want to believe that Jesus loved me or that He even died for me.
The main thing I had to do to believe Jesus loved me, was to pray. I prayed that He'd be patient with me in accepting this strangely delicious, unconditional love. But I also prayed that I'd receive His love and allow myself to be happy. And wouldn't you know...it worked! I do believe that He selflessly died for me which in turn has given me a great sense of joy and peace. I can honestly claim that I've never felt this happy with such a purpose in my entire life! Furthermore my life has been engaged in how to live the way Jesus did ever since. I have to admit that it hasn't always been easy and I always have to pray about God increasing my belief in Him as well as to be patient with this process, but I'm not afraid of my future because I feel secure and content with just following His word.
The next step in this relationship is to keep up my end of the deal and give this "covenant" the TLC it deserves. At church two Sunday's ago, my pastor spoke about covenants and how it's so much more than a promise. He talked about when God created Adam in His likeness (meaning, he had God's blood since Adam had no earthly parents). And if you haven't noticed, sacrifices and blood are pretty symbolic in both the old and new testament. Anyway, with Adam receiving God's blood through his likeness, God and man are forever linked as members of the same family. He then went on to say that although it would've been easy for God to destroy Adam and Eve and just start all over again after the first sin was committed, it was something God could not do because he'd be going against the principle of keeping a promise. Still, even after all of this and the world from then on would be cursed with sin, God still had a backup plan: Jesus! If God really did think of all of this even before He created the world, then surely I can try my hardest to keep up with our covenant. My pastor said that God is committed to my success until death which is similar to the terms and agreements of any covenant.
I know that love is something we all want and need, but I promise you God's love is so much more rewarding that anything or anyone you'll encounter on Earth. I sincerely encourage you all to honestly seek Him out so that He can help you. And from one mending heart to another, please pray and believe. I understand it isn't easy but once He reveals His love to you I assure you that you won't have a desire to search for anything else.
- Song Of The Post: Brandon Heath - Love Never Fails
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