Humilty

A lot of people, including myself, can have a misunderstanding about the true definition of humility. I always thought being humble meant thinking less of yourself in the name of love or not letting success get to your head. I hear all the time about how humility is such a great characteristic to have because many people won't admit their weaknesses. This can be an easy trap to fall in, especially for a new Christian like myself. All jokes aside, my relationship with Christ has been the longest relationship I have ever been in mainly because I actually have a desire to keep going. Giving Him my heart and seeking His face through the Word and prayer gave me a sense of self-confidence and happiness because I felt my life was finally getting on the right track. I thought, 'Now I'm ready to go out in to the world, let my light shine and bring people to Jesus Christ.' Having these thoughts is a good thing and is even something Paul encouraged. But the deceitful trap I fell in was a trap that I hadn't noticed until I was too far in. Whenever I would be around people unaware of God's love I would treat them with love in my mind, but in my heart I was condemning and judging them because they couldn't see the amount of damage they were doing to their eternal salvation. For a while this became a habit. Deep down I knew something was wrong about my behavior but I couldn't quite put my finger on the sin I was committing. There's a particular verse that stood out to me once I started searching for answers. In Jeremiah 17:9 it says,

  "The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?"

This caught my attention because no matter how much I think I know about Christ to go out and try to save or influence others, my own heart is something that I don't even know. Furthermore I went out and mentally judged everyone who used swear words, drank too much or had a bad temper.I was so bent on being an influence that I completely forgot (or failed to) humble myself. It's crazy how someone can be so preoccupied with doing the right thing the right way that we lose total focus and our intentions are not of God's. This was an incredibly humbling experience for me. It was silly of me to think that after 3 months of reading the Bible each day, praying and being joyful that I was suddenly the poster child for Christianity. God certainly had to give me a friendly reminder. So after learning that I couldn't possibly know all the depths of my heart, I came across another scripture that is very important for me to remember. In Romans 12:3 Paul writes,

"Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don't think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluations of yourselves, measuring yourself by the faith God has given us."

First, I love how Paul says this is a privilege to have anything from God, especially something like His authority. Secondly, this is something he warns people like me about. Somewhere in the mix I forgot that I too smoked, drank, had a terrible attitude and a potty mouth (among other things). Reading this reminded me that all I have and know is because of God's grace. And if He gives me the integrity to honestly evaluate who I am, then I should use this privilege the way I know He wants me to. Last Sunday my Pastor said he thought it was funny how those who have been saved by Jesus love to give testimonies about who they used to be and what they used to do before being saved all while forgetting to mention the part where Jesus is still saving and changing them. In other words, just because you've been awakened to the calling of the Holy Spirit does not mean that that is all there is to it. Following Jesus is a growth kind of process and a great learning experience where there is always room for change and improvement and takes a lifetime to achieve. Now that God has shown me how I wrong I am, I have started taking smaller steps in how I look at myself and others. Furthermore in this journey of becoming more humble, I am realizing that this is only the beginning.

Song of the Post: Deluge - Let's Worship

(This post is only one half of the definition of humility that has been made known to me by God. My next entry will deal with the second half.)

[K]