Confidence is Key

I recently started a new job at Starbucks...it is definitely more than I expected. Despite all of the warnings from my barista friends, I decided to take on the challenge. I think of myself as a relatively fast learner so I wasn't too stressed out. All of that changed my first week of training. The first day went great! I was happy to have a new, exciting job and even more anxious since I haven't worked in the food industry since I was in high school. The second day, however, was a whole different ball game. I don't drink coffee, much less visit Starbucks often so you can imagine how hard it was for me to learn the different cup sizes, coffee types and recipes. Every time I was put on the spot to name a drink, make a drink or describe a coffee, I choked and the frustration was written all over my face. I apologized to my trainer for my poor attitude and vowed to not let my ignorance get the best of me. By the third day, I was confident again. I made nearly-perfect lattes and cappuccinos and things started to look brighter. But by the fourth day, my confidence crashed once again and I started to doubt that I would ever remember how to do anything. Again, the frustration showed. By shifts end, I was glad to take off my apron and head back to my apartment. As I was driving 30 minutes back home, I started to realize something: I have ZERO confidence...about anything!

 It hit me like a ton of bricks. Whether it be at school, work or life in general, I somehow seem to have an uncertain outlook about everything, and it didn't help that I always let it get the best of me. At my other job, my supervisor always tells me to quit beating myself up and to build more confidence in myself. But in true prodigal angel fashion, I took it as a personal attack, often venting to my mom or anyone else who would listen. Needless to say, my supervisor was absolutely right. I need to believe in myself more. Whenever I make a mistake, take criticism or wear t-shirts in public, not a trace of confidence can be found. I'm 24-years old and I feel as if I should've learned this lesson already, so you can imagine how humbling, yet devastating it was to have this epiphany. I guess the old saying, "confidence is key" is not a cliche. It really IS key! Confidence gives people the courage to make or break relationships, accept compliments and failures or even be comfortable dressing as the frump girl on Monday morning. And then I thought,

'Gee, this is why people always assume something is wrong with me.'

 I used to think smiling was something I only did when I was happy or if someone told a joke but it's far more than that. I shouldn't need  a reason to smile, I simply need to be OK with myself. Just owning that characteristic alone could have a significant impact on my life.

I have a friend who recently lost her grandmother and best friend in just two months. By the end of my fourth day of training, all I wanted to do was go home and vent to her about how I still can't make a frappuccino and how much of a dunce I am behind the coffee bar. But just seeing her sitting in the same spot on the couch the entire day, stricken with grief, made me put things in an entirely new perspective. IT'S JUST COFFEE! And for someone who doesn't even drink it, that's all it's ever been to me. It all seems so trivial. So what if I don't know how to make a stinkin' latte? It's only been a week for me on the job. Realistically, how could I learn to make all of the drinks in 6 days? It's understandable that I can't...and I say that with confidence!

In the beginning, learning something new is never easy, and  I need to remind myself of that everyday. Confidence isn't a subjective feeling that I can turn on or off whenever I want, it's a way of living. No matter if I'm having a bad hair day, am on my period or decide to opt for flats instead of heels, none of it could or should affect how I feel about my plain 'ole self.  Regardless of what anyone says, confidence gives you everything even if you don't  actually get anything. It's the only thing you have left once the makeup's removed, the hair extensions come out and your beer gut is hanging over your underwear.

I've had plenty of jobs and other responsibilities in the past where, if I had to teach a novice any of what I know, they'd be as equally as stressed as I am. I know I'm smart, beautiful, considerate, genuinely kind and loved, and it's time for me to realize it and own it. It's not arrogance, it's confidence.

I can expect, that the moment this whole confidence lesson finally resonates, that life will get much easier to navigate. Until that day comes, I'll kick back, marinate and listen to Charlie Chaplin's "Smile."